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mglovesfun [userpic]

Professional circus performer

July 22nd, 2014 (09:44 pm)

This is something I've been meaning to post for weeks now.

Someone called Tim came in to Leeds Children's Circus and lead two sessions. Afterwards we picked his brain on how to run workshops (and related topics).

What he said was quite revealing as to why I couldn't be a professional circus performer.

My inability to get a job has lead me, since this year or maybe last year, to think about being self-employed. But as what? Well, how about a juggler (or a circus performer)?

Well there are a few problems.

The first is that I'm not a good performer, in fact I'm poor. So clearly that has ramifications. A professional circus performer is not necessarily a 'good' circus performer I'll admit, professional just means you manage to make a living out of it. But still I get very nervous. It's not really a lack of confidence so much as getting very irrationally nervous. I'm not a natural performer and I don't think it's necessarily something I could learn. I literally wouldn't know how to even learn it.

I'm also not very business-minded. It's not in my nature to bargain or haggle or look for guarantees. So basically I'd struggle with the performing side and the business side. So in other words, the whole thing.

Another one is money, the travel and the hotels (or lodgings of some kind). If you wanted to teach workshops you need a lot of equipment which costs money and tends to get broken and/or lost. I have a friend who's looking into this and he;'s got £40,000 or something in the bank. He can afford to run at a loss and live comfortably for a few years. I have about £23 in the bank. Oh and I can't drive so how would I transport the gear? I don't know if I could learn to drive either, as someone who suffers from panic attacks.

So the main problem would be not being good enough at the performing-side, not being good enough at the business-side and the high likelihood of running at a loss which I can't afford. So literally every part of it I would fail at.


mglovesfun [userpic]

Brazil 1 - 7 Germany

July 9th, 2014 (10:49 am)

Well, anyone who's vaguely interested in football has already heard about it! I thought the commentators missed a few important and pretty obvious points.

A tap-in from a corner is unheard-of. To be unchallenged, I mean he's about 7 yards from goal and about 3 yards from the nearest Brazil defender. It's true that some of the Germany passing was very good, but it was too easy for them.

Germany actually did seem to switch off in the second half. Brazil themselves had two tap-ins right at the start and missed them both. Oscar hit the first one straight at the goalkeeper from about 7 yards out, then another player. Brazil themselves could've scored 4 or 5.

Germany actually didn't defend that well, they were just put under absolutely no pressure for the entire first half, and in the second half, Brazil got behind them five times at least but only scored once.

Germany I think also could've scored more. Apart from Ozil's rather obvious miss, there was another occasion with two players through on goal, the first player missed it and Julio cesar managed to get to the ball before the German player. But of course had the first player not left it... he wouldn't've had the chance.


mglovesfun [userpic]

My future

July 7th, 2014 (07:14 pm)

So... let's see how far I get in this one session.

So the big news, which I don't know if I've mentioned at all, is that at the start of August I will be interviewed to work as a volunteer with the Citizen's Advice Bureau. Well, I assume I will make the interview stage.

It's part of the plan I came up with at WorkPlace Leeds to get a career instead of a job. Basically, applying for 'unskilled' work hasn't worked well for me. Perhaps because that's where there's the most competition. Either way, successful or not, I'm going to make some changes because I'm getting so bored at home! So plan B quite importantly is to find another voluntary job. I have two local charity shops in mind, both about 15 minutes' walk from here, because I think one of the problems I was having at the RSPCA was not being able to afford the bus fare and also it being quite far to walk, 25 minutes.

Also I've decided in either case to leave Leeds Children's Circus again. I have a couple of reasons. Some of them I can't really put into words. Certainly the amount of travel is a factor because I get panic attacks and I get more anxious the further I get from home. I question my value there. How much teaching of circus skills am I actually doing? Is anyone learning from the teaching? A little bit yes (in answer to both of those) but is a little bit enough? I say no, and it's my decision after all. My time, my money and my decision.

So there it is really. Again, the same thing, no hard feelings but I don't think I'll be back a third time.


mglovesfun [userpic]

Wimbledon men's final 2014

July 7th, 2014 (05:02 pm)

I have quite a few things I want to post about, but after looking after my two nephews for 48 hours I'm unusually tired and I'm not sure how much looking at a screen I can take. And the tennis final is pretty fresh in my mind whereas other stuff I want to post about is more personal, so I'm not likely to forget it.

I predicted a Novak Djokovic win before the tournament, but I also said that Roger Federer didn't have a realistic chance to win the tournament. So I was right on the first account, and wrong on the second one. It was a great final, I was really pulling for Djokovic to win though I don't know why. He could've won in straight sets of course, having missed two set points in the first set and one in the third set. If anything, I felt like in the first set he was the best player, but it was more even in the other four sets.

Federer was very close. It looked in the fifth set that he might break serve and then serve it out. I said I didn't think he'd add to his 17 grand slam titles (and that also Nadal would eventually surpass this) but certainly it looks as if he has the firepower to win another one.

I think Federer can win another one... I don't think it's absolutely inevitable that he will win another one.


mglovesfun [userpic]

I Love Redheads

July 5th, 2014 (08:17 pm)

This is about the announcement "I Love Redheads page is 18+ like our family friendly page ILR Girls to keep up with us and not see photos you don't want to".

It does seem bizarrely natural to want to 'protect' children from images of half-naked men and women. But when you start to think about what harm those images would actually do... you end up with nothing. I'm talking specifically about images like the one in the link above where you can't see any genitals or nipples. Though if there were genitals and/or nipples... what harm would you actually expect that to do?

What I'm not talking about is hardcore pornography where there is evidence that it can damage people's ability to interact with other people later in life, including sexually.

The I Love Redhead's feed isn't all that risqué. It ranges from images of women in jeans and T-shirt to women in lingerie. And if you actually look at the ILR Girls page, it's about the same! Ironically enough just a few minute ago they posted a pic of a woman in a black boob-tube with black lace at the front to show cleavage. What distinction are they actually making here? It pursue them about it but I don't think there's any capital to be made in trying to 'win the argument' with them. Looking at the wording, they've had a few complaints and they're trying to deal with them instead of saying 'if you don't like it, don't follow us!'


mglovesfun [userpic]

WorkPlace Leeds

July 1st, 2014 (09:32 pm)

I don't think I ever finished my story about WorkPlace Leeds. Per what I said, I decided to leave the service. I can only say that it didn't work for me, I didn't feel like the system is flawed or faulty, just that it didn't work for me.

I felt that though we'd accomplished a few things while I was there, it wasn't enough to have met up say 12 times and accomplished 3 things. It just didn't work. And in fairness I feel more confused now, not less confused, so in the long term you've gotta to say the gains made weren't lasting and I really gained nothing of substance in my time there. Not yet anyway, the Citizen's Advice Bureau not having replied to the application I submitted, that's the one thing outstanding that I don't know about yet.


mglovesfun [userpic]

Nothing in particular to add

June 28th, 2014 (10:23 pm)

Gah I just feel terrible. I've been meaning to post something for about a week but have been putting it off until a time where I feel a bit better. I mean the weather's gotten worse and a hell of a lot of my friends are away at the moment.

More than anything I just feel really tired all the time. That's not the rarest thing. I do need to see my doctor though I felt that Wednesday's appointment with an assessor (who was a qualified occupational therapist) was helpful.

First of all I'm probably not bipolar though I still think I should see a psychiatrist about it, because she (the assessor) is not a doctor. Also she says that bipolar is a matter of opinion, it's not a simple 'yes' or 'no' thing. It's not something where you can do a blood test and look at it and look at whatever.

Looking at this rather credible-looking ESA calculator I scored quite low. I don't know quite what to do. I think definitely apply, and if I get turned down, so what, I haven't lost anything.

Mum's plan for me — well I stop myself there because it's also essentially the same as my plan for myself — is for me to get on benefits, move out and continue working as a volunteer.

The difference between that and what I want is I'd like to be working. But realistically I have no way of making that happen. Mum also points out that if she weren't around, what would I do to survive? Hmm, good point.

So what I'm saying is, if you modify my plan where I'm not able to work, you end up literally exactly with what mum's plan is. It's a sad thought, the thought of me not working. I won't lie and say I don't want to work, because I do. However I also don't want to starve to death, I don't want to live at home forever, and at some point I need to make some choices.

At least I have a life plan now, albeit one I don't think I can actually achieve. There is a plan B also! Gotta think what else I can do that's good. Helping lots and lots of cats!


mglovesfun [userpic]

A lost friend

June 21st, 2014 (05:22 pm)

So today a good friend of mine moved away after 4 years in Leeds. The 4 year reference is quite important, as it's about as long as I've been living at this address in central Leeds, and only a bit longer than I've been back in England as a whole after living with my partner in France.

'Good friend' is definitely a good choice of words, better than 'close friend' because I don't think we ever really spent enough time together to be close friends. I suppose, more than anything, someone I had a lot of admiration for as a person as well as someone I enjoyed spending time with in a group.

I certainly feel sad about it, but in a good way. In the way, 'I'm sad that I will probably never see you again, but I'm happy that you've made the right choice and that you're moving to on better things, which makes me happy'.


mglovesfun [userpic]

Dear Mr Atheist allow me to destroy evolution in 3 minutes!

June 14th, 2014 (10:50 pm)

I'm doing this as a bit of fun, really.

There's quite a lot in this video! The theme as I see it is faith. Not creationism or evolution but faith. His argument is that it takes more faith to believe in evolution than it does to believe in creationism. But he's saying it like it's a bad thing. Having faith is a bad thing, really? From a Christian?

First point in the video. Evolution isn't a science because it was never observed. Well, it's still going on so we can observe it. There are experiments going on all the time using animals that have very short natural life spans. Furthermore there is nothing in science that says you can't take evidence left over from a time before the human race was there to observe it and come up with a theory that best fits the evidence. In fact that's fundamentally scientific.

First point of order... the "because we willed it bit" is nothing to do with evolution. Evolutionists don't believe it has anything to do with 'will' or even 'we' (more than any other living thing). This is purely his own invention.

The laws of thermodynamics. The second law of thermodynamics doesn't quite say that order can never come out of chaos. It says that with the passage of time, the amount of entropy in a system increases. What people usually say is that the Earth isn't a closed system anyway because of the large amounts of energy coming in from the Sun. There's another point to make, that there's no reason why part of a system can't become less entropic (less chaotic) as long as overall the system is becoming more entropic.

As for the analogy with the red working Lamborghini, it's a very good analogy, actually! Except that such a thing isn't impossible so much as it's absurdly unlikely. As like I say, as long as the system as a whole becomes more entropic there's no reason why a subsection of the system can't become more entropic. The psychiatric hospital analogy is uncalled for to be honest. Not sure what the US law is but in the UK this is governed by the Mental Health act which says that someone can be detained against their will if they are a threat to his or herself or another person/other people.

As for the origin of the word universe, again he's wrong. It's from uni- (one) and versus meaning turned. So it actually means 'turned into one' (hence a single, thing). Verse is also from versus but universe is not from uni- and verse. And when he dares me to read Genesis 1 it's like being in primary school. I 'dare' you to jump over that wall. At least it's a pretty easy dare to accomplish, I have a Bible in my wardrobe, along with a Qur'an.


mglovesfun [userpic]

My life

June 13th, 2014 (12:43 am)

Um so apart from not blogging very much, I blog even less in the summer because simply there are better things to be doing! I still feel like when I use it well it's a very useful form of organising my thoughts.

Also to my confusion my knees hurt when I sit in this computer chair! So in fact, with the sunshine and the fact that it literally hurts to sit down after a while, I'm doing less of everything online! In fact I'm usually (when I'm in) in front of the tennis and I check my facebook at the changeover.

Now I'm not on medication anymore, I'm starting to think a lot more about my happiness and relatedly what to do in the more long term. Here's a TED video that got me thinking. And here's another.

I really need to review my approach to happiness. How to be happy, how to react to people, to situations. I need a middle way.

By that I mean growing up I was selfish. I mean deliberately selfish, believing that the purest form of happiness ultimately comes from selfishness.

I now believe that this isn't the case. I felt very isolated from everyone else. From all people.

(what follows was added the two days later)

I think recently I've gone too far the other way. Trying to find meaning in helping other people. Not that helping other people is a bad thing. But there's such a thing as interfering. Help is a subject thing too, are you really making things better or are you making things worse. Could you make things worse accidentally? And sometimes people need to learn things for themselves, I'm a big fan of this actually. In fact, in the course I did there's a role called the 'rescuer' which is someone who focuses on other people as a way of coping with their own problems (i.e. ignoring their own problems, the 'head-in-the-sand' approach).

I was watching Shaun of the Dead recently, and there's a line in that in which one of the characters says 'sort your life out'. That is how I feel. And that hopefully explains what I mea by a 'third way'.


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